How to be an Internet prophet

Do you have a feeling that you have better things to do than just working on your job because in fact, some very sophisticated thoughts that no one in your real life environment understands cross your mind? Do you feel offended by the words “armchair reasoning”? Fear no more, since I will give you precise instructions how to feel respected and very influential.

In my experiences on the Internet I have come across several instances of “influential people” whose influence was mostly correlated with the number of bytes produced. Bonus points for influence can be gained if the ideas are labeled as those that will help solve the current world’s problems. Note the word “labeled”: it does not actually matter whether the solutions that are being proposed will work or are at all feasible to implement. It is only sufficient to identify as a morally right, problem-solving person to feel morally superior, and nobody has the right to question your identity.

Then, to make an idea really popular, a unique source of current world’s problems has to be identified. This is a very, very common part, because the concept “get rid of \(X\)” is far simpler to memorize than “\(X\) causes \(A\), absence of \(X\) causes \(B\), both \(A\) and \(B\) are undesirable”. Often \(X\) is defined in a not entirely clear way; this gives some spaces for an argumentative retreat and still makes a vague intuitive interpretation possible.

Make no mistake: You are the Light. It is not your job to educate anyone why exactly you believe what you’re doing is morally right; it should be obvious to anyone (using derogatory words as “sheeple” is discouraged, they are tainted and not usable anymore) sane. And since you are the Light, dissent cannot and should not be tolerated. This is completely independent from your political platform; even if you state that you are in favor of a calm discussion, you might say that calm discussions are an ancient tradition of (insert your political affiliation here)  and leftist pigs just inherently cannot discuss anything calmly, so they might just go screw themselves. It is doublethink, but it’s a little price for being an Internet guru.

As I mentioned prices, there is something you must understand: This style of self-presentation will alienate people. Take it like a sane person: Troll them, accuse them of derailing, associate them with not-so-nice people (think Hitler, Stalin, Paris Hilton, ALF), and they might go away.

Enjoy your sect.

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